Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Ohm

What it's like inside my brain during the meditation portion of yoga class:


Shit, are we supposed to have palms up or palms down? Why is that guy breathing like that? Is anyone else grossed out by earthy yoga dude's inappropriate sighing? Blech!...La la la...Did I order too many nun costumes? Does anyone really want to be a French maid anymore? What about stockings, should I get more plain white ones? Nah, last Halloween we had too many…Dum de dum de dum...I can't believe I got those Louboutins on sale, wish I had somewhere to wear them... I wonder how the new shoe floor is at Saks. Maybe Kim will want to go with me next time she's in town... Okay, are we still supposed to be lying down? I can't hear a frigging word she's saying from back here. Everyone's probably sitting up while I lay here with my eyes closed, looking like an idiot... I like this laying down in the dark portion of the class, though. The only thing missing is a masseuse. Yay! Although I doubt this is calorically effective in any way: "Miss Stoger, I would just like to say that physical education in this school is a disgrace. I mean, standing in line for forty minutes is hardly aerobically effective. I doubt I've worked off the calories in a stick of Carefree gum"…Crap! Why do all roads lead back to Clueless? ...FOCUS, MARY, FOCUS... Okay, what's the thought for the day, oh yeah, forgiveness. Forgiveness… forgiveness… hmm... Well, I can tell you one thing, I'm not forgiving that wall-eyed little bitch right now. I can't believe the balls on that twit, she has no idea who she's fucking with. I will crush her like the insect she is. I will pull her heart out through her throat. I will tear her intestines with my teeth, I will… Damn it!! Not the lesson for today! There will be no intestine chewing this evening! Oh Lord, why did you make my heart so black? I want to be good, it's just that people keep getting on my nerves... All right, just let it go for now…Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. Shoulders down, chin up, lengthen, lengthen…Oh great. What is that? Am I getting my period?…Wait a minute, is everyone sitting up while I'm laying here festering?? DAMN IT!! Now I look like an idiot!! Sigh…

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