Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Pink Lady & Percocets

Yesterday I took an hour and wrote a blog featuring all kinds of deep thoughts and hilarious insights. Then I hit post and myspace ate the damn thing. I choose to trust that there's a larger plan and perhaps that blog was not meant to see the light of day.

I've had a terrible week, starting with last Friday when I had an impacted wisdom tooth cut out of my head as part of an ongoing torture series designed to correct some rather severe periodontal disease that is threatening to take over my mouth and my life savings. I have about 3-5 more operations to go, this one was just to get ready for said operations, and it left me in a lot of pain, high on oxycodene (percocet), bleeding and with a face puffed out to unnatural proportions. I looked like Marlon Brando in the Godfather and sounded like Johnny Thunders in high nod.

So of course rather than making the choice to be rational about the whole thing I overworked and took too many pills and subsequently plunged into a deep depression. I finished up yesterday by shuffling around the apartment in my bathrobe, whining in a junkie haze at Drew, until he finally sat me down on the couch and talked me down, reassuring me that he still loves me and it was just oral surgery and not some diabolical plot by the Universe to rob me of my sanity and whatever looks I have left at this later stage in life. I sniffled and he handed me kleenex and patted me on the back (and I suspect rolled his eyes) as I ate Tylenol and Advil instead of the heavy stuff and promised I would try to trust that everything was indeed okay and not collapsing around me never to be the same again. And today I look and feel much better. So perhaps the deep blog will have to wait for the next time I have a drug-induced meltdown. That shouldn't take too long.

In the meantime, just to add to the whole trippiness of the last few days, my latest default picture seems to be attracting some new viewers and I thought I'd share them with you for entertainment's sake. Please, please, don't bug these people, everyone has a right to their page and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I just feel I should share the wealth when it comes my way.

This guy: BARRY writes:

Subject: Would you...

Body:

... read the beginning chapter of my book and let me know if it's something that would make you want to keep reading?

It'll take about 5 minutes to read.

I'm asking because, like yourself, Bukowski is one of my favorite writers. I would never dream of comparing myself to him.

I'm hoping that someone like you, who likes his work, can certainly tell me whether or not my 1st chapter is, at the very least, interesting.

And as a stranger, I'm hoping you can disregard my feelings and tell me honestly what you think of it.

Ever yours gratefully,

barry x

Now, I am a big sap and although I see that Barry is dressed as Frank N' Furter, I think, well, maybe the big girl is actually looking for some literary interest, and perhaps I should just be a nice person for once and go to his page and check out his writing.

Then when I get to his page, I see that every single, solitary, frigging friend is an attractive female, and there isn't one single, solitary, frigging speck of writing on his page. I've been had by the deadliest of cross-dressers, the horny heterosexual transvestite! (insert creepy organ music here)

Sigh...


Then there's this guy, his page is private, but he writes:

YOU HAVE A EXOTIC LOOK, GO MODEL...tONY


Well, thank you, Tony. But where do we go from here?

Dum de dum...


And this one - the lone wolf:

From: RAVENWOLF II
Date: Jan 16, 2008 6:10 PM


Come!Check out my site and blog-

Okay, that's friendly enough, albeit there's no mention of why I should or what we might have in common. I did check out his site and his blog, and I learned that he leans toward the spookier type of gal, and that he is not looking for gays or fatties. I have no idea whether he looked at anything other than my default pic.

Sir, I have checked out your site and your blog and have decided I would like to join your stable of pagan hotties...


Boys, boys, boys. If you are truly interested in a female on myspace, here is the sage advice I have for you today: Take a moment to look around at her page, check out her interests, and ask her about her. You might actually notice that she's got it plastered all over the place that she has a significant other, and thereby save yourself valuable hunting time by heading on to greener pastures. And if you are merely collecting women to fill your myspace ego, do not choose cranky, smart ones like myself that tend to post every detail about their day to day existence in blogs.

And lastly, this guy:

From: Hot Rock Love
Date: Jan 10, 2008 7:43 PM

Subject: pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease add me.

Body: View me, if I dont deserve adding tell me to fuck off. (Then at least I got a fuck off from you) P.S. I want to bottle your voice and sleep with it under my pillow. Thanks Queen, I think?

Of course I added him immediately! And Drew rolled his eyes.

And lastly, it's no secret that I'm weirdly in love with the Spice Girls (oh, Posh!). I don't know why, I am fully aware that it's a mental glitch. Maybe because they're like a pop version of the Cycle Sluts. Maybe because I'm actually a gay man and I like any act where girls get together in semi-matching outfits and enact bad choreography while singing in unison. Except for the Pussycat Dolls, of course, because that's just all kinds of wrong that we don't need to elaborate upon at this time.

So today the Japanese crew at work got into a silly Japanese pop mood and we spent some time on youtube, and eventually ended up on the greatest act Japan has ever produced. Who is that you ask? Why, Pink Lady of course. If you've never seen them you should watch some of their videos. They actually had a little crossover into the US the 70's when they landed a variety show called Pink Lady and Jeff. Delightful! I'm sure it lasted about two minutes, but who cares, now we have the internet to preserve and review every precious moment, and I felt the need to share a couple of them with you today.




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