Friday, April 11, 2008

Could Not Have Said It Better Myself


From my sister:

"
Sadly Rock of Love 2 concludes this sunday evening. I will be there to watch Daisy receive her crown, as we all know at 37 Ambre is much too old. I hope the evening of sex goes well for the two lovebirds and that the headband stays on. Nobody wants brains spilling out on the bed. ok."

I spent two drunken hours on Wednesday night arguing the finer points of this delightful show with BROOKE, who is pro-Ambre (yes, that's right--the R goes before the E), while I, along with my sister, am pro-Daisy. Last week's episode was an absolute delight: Bret donned a lace-front wig to prove to all of us that there is indeed hair (even if it had to be purchased) under the headband; we learned that Destiney (with an extra E for Excellent!) chose to vie for Bret's affection on a reality television show rather than spend some time with her dying father, who was given six months to live and has since passed away; we watched Bret force the parents to watch a lengthy Poison dvd while Destiney flipped her hair and did a crazy and mortifying whore dance around the room; we cried as Ambre admitted that she is totally head over heels in love with Bret but that she lied about her age for "business" purposes; and we shook with nervous fear as Bret continued to grill poor Daisy about her home life with her closet-case ex-bf Charles.

I am madly in love with Daisy Duck. I can't get enough of her. The ridiculous fake lips, the giant fake boobs, the perfect little waist, the way she weirdly holds her hands in front of her face when she cries, her tiny spinning hamster brain. She's an absolute delight. And Bret thinks so too, I have to cover my eyes in shame when he gets all sexy around her, which is often. But Brooke thinks that Ambre's better for him because she's intelligent and closer to his age. Ha! As if those are even considerations. Although I will admit that Ambre has been pulling some diabolically Machiavellian moves the last couple episodes, which have kept Daisy extremely confused and Ambre close in the running.

And can we talk about Bret's fashion for a moment? That super stiff garanimal matching Ed Hardy leather jacket and cowboy hat he wore last week made my heart sing. Almost as much as the full length cow print duster from last season. Oh Bret, you are the king of cheese, thank you so much for such quality entertainment. I'll see you on Sunday night, hot stuff.




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