Friday, April 18, 2008

Jesus and Mary

Me: Did you enjoy not picking up? Was that fun? Did you look at the phone and giggle? Were you so busy discussing your extensive knowledge of macabre fiction with a fascinated underaged groupie that you couldn't pick it up?

Drew:
God you're angry. You need anger management.

Me:
More like boyfriend management.

Drew:
You bring anger to new heights. You enjoy it. You're an anger enthusiast.

Me:
You make it so easy.

Drew:
You're professionally angry. You need it to focus. Without rage you get all confused. You know what I'm going to do? I'm gonna make a lot of money so I can start telling you to shut the fuck up.

Me:
You tell me to shut the fuck up all the time!

Drew:
But you don't do it. Your big fat mouth is constantly open and I don't have any power to shut it. I'm going to make a ton of money and I'll have all the power. You'll have to do what I say or get out. I'll kick your angry ass right out of the pool, Mary.

Me:
Yeah, that'll work. You think you'll have it together enough by then to be able to set your phone so it rings properly and you can answer it once in a while?

Drew:
Sigh...I am nailed to the cross. No one knows how much I suffer.

Me:
Yes, you're just like Jesus.

Drew:
I am.

Me:
Only with more tattoos.

Drew:
And less power. Dammit, I hate my stupid life and my stupid mean girlfriend.

Me:
I know. I'm so sorry, Honey. Life is pain.

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