1 am Tuesday night:
Guy: Me and Drew hate you.
Me: You're just jealous.
Guy: We've been laughing at your expense.
Me: Like two fat girls in the cafeteria.
Guy: Now he's hitting on me.
Me: Hahaha! He likes old ladies.
Me: I gave you that one. I know you're alone at the party and need to look like you're texting a friend.
Guy: Yes, thanks for making me look young and hip.